"I'm not racist, I'm married to an Asian woman."

You ever meet those people who claim they aren't racist or sexist or whatever and then follow it up with something that a non-something would never say? Yeah.

It sickens me when I hear someone saying things like the above. Or "I'm not racist, I have plenty of black friends." "I can't be sexist, I have a girlfriend. If I were sexist, I'd be gay." "I've got nothing against gays, I just wouldn't date them... No homo."

I don't want to get too into it, but this angers me and has set me off. The above quote in particular is something I've seen on Facebook by a family member. My heart drops a little every time I see something like that. This guy is in my family. His offspring is my blood.

"I'm not racist, I'm married to an Asian woman" essentially translates into: Here's proof that I'm not racist! If I were racist, there's no way I could ever imagine sharing my bed with this "thing". You're still implying that there is something wrong with your relationship, something Other! But do you know what it is? Do you accept what it is? This statement (and others like it) preach the term "color blind," which can be confused for "tolerance" and "diversity" and other politically correct terms.

Here's a lesson that self-professed "non-racists" need to learn:
Color blind is NOT the same as racial tolerance.

Color blind is ignoring what separates us and pushing the issues under the rug. Color blind says "We are ignoring you. We are ignoring what white privilege has taught us to be wrong about your ethnicity instead of confronting that privilege and the brainwashing that has taken place for thousands of years."

Being color blind is NOT confronting racism. Color blind is ignoring it; and every minute you ignore it, you tell a person of color to shut up and deal with it. This is not the proper way to encourage equality. This is not the proper way to push for diversity. You can't just tell someone "You're equal because you have voting rights and can work where the white man works!" and expect all to be right in the world.

You can't push for something if you are refusing to acknowledge it.

Not everyone is born racist- but everyone is taught racism, whether they know it or not. Unteach it. Unlearn it. Do whatever it takes to know the difference.

Just don't ignore it.

Semi-rambling of reflection

As a person who thinks (sometimes) too much, I like comparing my current life to where it was a year ago, two years ago, etc, etc, etc… I like to keep track of if I’ve grown or matured or not. Because if I haven’t, then what’s the point? It’s been happening a lot more because I work with students and they make me think about what I was like (yo, I don’t remember complaining that much).

Dude. Reflection is a scary thing sometimes.
 
Last year, I was working part-time in an enjoyable or self-absorbed environment; depending on who was around that day or who was randomly hired. Actually, I probably got the most learning about people and human nature, which was either a beautiful or disgusting thing, depending on who I was talking to. Made a lot of good friends. Saw a lot of variety of people I don’t care to know and who aren’t beneficial to me (I need to like you to care about you- it’s a weird selfish/selfless circle of things). Went to a birthday party for someone I didn’t necessarily care for; spent a lot of time listening to people who refused to face their problems (ah, immaturity). As an educator, I was reaching through to only about five students a week (three were the same person each week). To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t doing anything particularly beneficial to myself except reading (and thus learning) a whole lot. Waking up in the morning was another step towards getting out of that place (mentally and physically) which was my sole motivation. I worked with it, or at least tried to, and now I’m in a completely different place.

I’ve been incredibly happy for the past few months to be in a job I am passionate about, to be in love with someone who enhances and accepts me  more than anyone else I’ve ever known, and to have friends and family that support and complement/compliment (YES for WORDS) me. I couldn’t ask for more (except maybe a dog and solid exit plan).

I’ve come full circle (but really, I’m Aragorn), I think to when I first got to New Paltz. I’ve stated a few times that NPZ is the place where I’ve learned, grown, and matured the most and that sentiment has never changed. Did I learn and grow from when I was back on the island? Yes, but not in particularly enlightening ways that make me feel good.

To pull from Hegel (Georg William Freidrich!), you realize what you are when you see things you aren’t; and when I was there, it was a whole lot of “nope”- just the exposure of humanity was enough for me (Whattup Sandy). But that is fine and okay in its own strange way because I believe in not living with regrets, rolling with what variables are thrown at you, and adjusting.

Life is all about adjusting. There are too many things you just can’t control. (Especially people- they are all set in their own ways.) And that’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with that. Accept that Life is like a small child: it shits on you when it will (like a small child) and there’s really nothing you can do about it (because small children poop when they feel like it); working with Life (or changing its diaper) is that much easier when you realize wishing it didn’t shit isn’t going to do anything and there’s only so much you can do (aka work with change) to make it not smell. Once you learn to handle whatever is thrown at you, life becomes so much more beautiful in its small intricacies; the shit doesn’t matter. What matters is what and how you make of it. Learning to let go is one of the most selfless and powerful things you can do. Once you accept the things that happen and think of what you can do instead of what should have, could have happened, you begin making the change you always wished for. Invest in yourself; and then you can invest in what you can do to help others.

I’ve had a lot of students complain to me in the past few days, about how crappy or complicated their lives are; little do they know things will be so different in two years. They’ll forget they complained about anything and look back on this time with fondness and tickles of delight. I wish I had enough time to sit down with each one of them and say, “Slow down. You control what you can and work with what you can’t.” Sooner or later they all figure it out on their own, but I’d like to make it easier for them.

I hope it doesn’t seem like I’m forcing this on anyone. That would be detrimental.



To Do List (should be renamed “To Learn List”):

1. Revisit Hegel.
2. Revisit Karl.
3. Finish Les Mis, damnit. I realize I haven’t picked up that book in almost a year because of Sandy. I believe it to be one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever lain eyes on and I still have 300 pages left to go.

Recent thoughts

As per usual, I've been reading a lot of articles on XOJane that have gotten me thinking (nothing new).

Aside from the pages that talk about how there's no way in hell an underage girl can ever be held responsible for a sexual relationship with a 47 year old man (or any one over legal age for that matter- adults should know better) and that Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas weren't meant to last anyway, there's been two or three articles that have caught my eye dealing with the issue of long term relationships and the whole "one true love" deal.

Some of these articles (found here and here) allude to how people get caught up in LTRs with partners other than their one true loves, meaning they have ex-partners who have "gotten away" or they are not as romantically inclined towards their current partners as they think they can be.

I'll be honest- unless your names are Jack and Rose, I don't believe in the concept of there being "the one" or "soul mate". Not that I've been in many relationships to be an expert- I just see a lot of things.

Not believing in "the one" doesn't mean I don't believe in love. Oh, I firmly and justly believe in love. I believe that love- all kinds, all shapes, all sizes- completes you as a person. All relationships, no matter their seeming importance in your life, affect you, shape you, create you.

Being "in love" and loving someone can be two completely different things. A lot of people associate butterflies with being "in love"- listen, if you want that feeling of chasing butterflies, you'll spend your life chasing butterflies. The emotional roller coaster that people is often confuse for being in love because "there must be a reason I feel this way"- if you were in love and loved someone and were loved by someone, you wouldn't have to worry about the potential or the future or any of that- it should be clear as day. Someone should drive you crazy with the good they do, not with all the questions you have. Knowing someone intricately and caring about them so much that you hurt when they hurt and their dreams are something you genuinely want for him or her- that's love. Everything has its ups and downs. No relationship is perfect unless it's imperfect. Relationships are work. The things you can get through are what you choose to get through and determine how much you actually care. And none of this is "settling" for something wrong- it's finding something that works for you that you want to work for.

Keep in mind, being "in love" with someone so much that you don't care about anything or anyone else is selfish. Love is supposed to be a selfless act.

Wait, what? I still have this?

Apparently things don't die over time. At least not on the internet. Was this page just floating around in cyberspace?

Blink.

The pause from blogging, I suppose, is that I have very little reason to use it any more. Readers or followers are nice, but that isn't really a goal- never really was. Personally, I used it to get thoughts out completely, to reflect, like any other normal journal or whatever. Blogging was reacting to things that I wasn't able to with teachers or with friends- I like to say that my writing style and moral/belief building was due to this allowance of free thought and opinion, a "figure it out yourself". I would say that blogging has been a huge part in capturing my essence and identity. That being said, I believe I know who I am at this point and accept it and even like it. But. I. Like. To. Think. And the internet is a glorious (sometimes fascinating) place to think and reflect on the subject of humanity and moral and meaning and logic. As I am a fan of the Other, naturally.

So maybe I will try to be gentle with this one and ease back in. I was on Tumblr for a while and BOY, what a piece of crap that is. There's very little... thought or originality that goes on there. It's all just one big gloopy mess. Is it a great way for people to network or bond over things? Yes. But I don't think I've seen people get their thoughts out clearly on there, just a "OMG THIS IS COOL!!11"

But why? The never-ending question that very few people seem to answer. The question I always want to ask and desire to hear a proper answer to.

Compete thoughts cannot be made in such empty phrases.

Maybe I am just a fan of words.

We are our own patois.

A Little Bit on "Friends."

What exactly are the laws of friendship? I’d like to think they have requirements of reciprocation and trust. Can you be friends with one person in one area and not another area? Perhaps. I’ve always tried to give my friends (rather, those who have been particularly wrongdoing) the benefit of the doubt; I hold loyalty so high. Friendship has so many grey areas; though we try not to judge those who are closest to us, it is hard to stay loyal to those who we so obviously disagree with especially when it hits so close to home. For me, someone who used to trust so easily, it has been getting harder and harder to be patient with those whose actions I entirely disagree with. I’m not sure if it is because I have been hardened or I am maturing. It can be both; after all, isn’t growth essentially the result of experience? I suppose through this, we learn who to trust with our whole selves and maybe only a part of our hearts. We aren’t meant to count on everyone; and those who we do trust with our whole hearts, we can find happiness with- in friendship, in romance, in what-have-you. And more than that, more than anything, we must trust ourselves and our intuitions first- because then we would truly not have anyone.

Where's my prune juice?

I dunno, I’m starting to feel old.

Not in the sense of “Geez, my knees and joints hurt,” but more like the, “Shut it and grow up already.” I’m afraid I’m growing out of the college lifestyle more and more each day. I mean, that’s not a bad thing. I don’t want to be thirty, questioning if my (hypothetical) current situation is also my future and is what I want to be doing. I know what I want to do. I know what I want to do till then. I. Am. Enlightened. And I like it.

But. More than that, I’m getting irritated by the immaturity that comes with living on campus. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do in the building, I love my staff, I love creating the sense of a community and the working environment, and for the most part I love the residents; it’s the mentality from the select few, the “Oh, let’s do this to bother them,” and the “Let’s get drunk every night,” that really annoys me. Is there an true honest answer for why people do those things? To do things for the sake of doing things, for the rush, whatever: To jump out of an airplane is one thing; to intentionally cause chaos because “it’s cool” is another.

Hey kid, in your future, also known as the majority of your life, there is no such thing as “the cool kid.” You won’t be throwing parties forever, you won’t be playing beer pong every night, and you’ll be going to sleep and waking up at reasonable hours.

It bothers me that a lot of these younglings don’t have a shred of an idea of respect or an inkling of maturity; what bothers me more is that I don’t see a chance of them ever garnering that. This isn’t me being a pessimist; I’ve already seen loads of people with more degrees than me, more years than me, more talent than me, more money than me that act eight years younger than me. And they aren’t aware of it, but they are proud of the few, non-beneficial things that they’ve done. My brain and abilities, what I can and will do, are my prides and therein lies the difference.

GROWTH. EXPERIENCE. MATURITY. That is life. That is every day, even if you don’t feel it, even if you don’t want it. It’s not something that can be washed away or put aside. Embrace it. Recognize it. Learn from things; don’t feel that you have to fight it. Who knows, you might end up liking yourself a whole lot more.

Memphis: The Musical

Interracial relationship!? Cue the SCANDAL.

I got a chance to see Memphis (Tony winner!) last night (instead of Reel Big Fish, two doors down. Boo.) and boy, was I in for a surprise. Hock. A. Doo.

I think this is the first time I saw a Broadway show not knowing what to expect (Xanadu- I don't think anyone knew what to expect; my first time seeing Les Miserables, I was too young to grasp the concepts. Liked the music though). Something about rhythm and blues, rock and roll, integration, what have you? More specifically, a white man gets a radio job, begins to play "race music" on a predominantly white station (with an affinity for Roy Rogers), falls in love with a budding black singer, and fights for integration while rarely dealing with the consequences? Sure! I mean, I liked Hairspray.

Integration? Check. Love story? Check.
Jerome Robbins' inspired choreography? Check.

The music, the choreography (Sergio Trujillo has a bunch of Jerome Robbins' works under his belt) is amazing. It was enough to keep me happy for the entire night. It's fun, it's snazzy, it's modern yet classical Broadway. It was refreshing to see something 95% original. The costumes, something I rarely pay attention to, were to die for, particularly Felicia's dresses. And the set design was something I had never seen; one minute you're downstairs in the club with the sidewalk visible in the upper windows, the next, you're in a department store or radio station. That alone exceeded my expectations. Conceptually, visually, Memphis succeeded on every level.

"NOT" a nod to Little Richard. Or James Brown. Or anyone else.

It did fail in some areas though. The simple story was a bit weak and definitely fantasized- integration on the television and radio would definitely not be that easy. I know Hairspray made it look easy, but Hairspray didn't deny its comical nature and completely accepted that it was a happy-go-lucky. There was a murky balance between comedy and seriousness. It seemed like it didn't know where to go and was unconvinced in either aspect, and as a result, both sides were, well... half-assed. It was trying to be normal while trying to be Superman as well. As a result, I didn't care about the story so much as I cared about the next toe-tapping number; I didn't care for Huey as much as I cared for the supporting character of Gator; and I was more excited for the ensemble pieces than the solos. And I didn't know whether to love Huey or hate him; his ignorance was both sweet and irritating. I was satisfied with the ending, "Oh okay. That's nice"- but not in an overwhelming matter, rather thinking "This is a great song!" But was I looking for perfection? No. There's only so many times I can be absolutely blown away, like with Les Miserables or The Producers. I was looking for some feel-good entertainment. I got it.

More than anything, Memphis is FUN. It has memorable performances from all the characters, all of which require a mad amount of talent. We get to see Montego Glover and dozens of other performers at their finest. The music is really layered and rich and fits the time period perfectly. There's enough gospel to inspire and enough rhythm and blues to dance to. There's references to Michael Jackson, James Brown, Dick Clark. And the character of Mama, as she accepts that the world is getting a little smaller? Priceless.

Where Memphis wins is in its enthusiasm to perform its biggest and best numbers- where the dancers can really shine and the singers can belt. That was enough for me to thoroughly enjoy and even sing the end number on the ride back. Highly recommended, though I wouldn't say to get too invested in the story; just sit back and let your eyes and ears feast.

Don't be fooled. This guy can get BUSY.