Lately...

... I've been in a self reflective mode, probably due to a mixture of the following: finals week, final grades, the recent death of an acquaintance (which I will get into a bit later), the cleansing of my room (also a semi-cleansing of my past), random conversations, and finally a class I took on theory that I took maybe a bit too seriously. (All three term papers utilized theory and pretty much all focused of Feminism- yeah, I'm one of those. And I've randomly decided I am a Marxist. But not modern day/Red China Marxism, I'm talking about Marxism from the man himself.)

Uhh, this might be really long. And yeah, it's a bit more formal than what I usually write. Still in grad school-mode, I guess.

Theory classes, though frustrating at some parts, have really opened up my eyes to my own philosophies and gave me strong insight to what I was passionate about- I encourage everyone to dabble in it at some point, though it may not be for everyone. Most of it is old men that like to hear themselves talk, but there are some incredible thoughts and perspectives upon art, literature, and thus society. Hegel ("The Master-Slave Dialectic") was one of those "old men," but he had some interesting points to make concerning the Individual and the Other.

I disagree with him in the Other always taking the position of the antagonist- I strongly believe that there are multiple human perspectives and the cliched "two sides to every story" is absolutely true. To somewhat quote myself, every human being has their own beliefs and their actions reflect that- we cannot fully blame them what they think or have been led to believe that what they are doing is right. There are more factors than right or wrong. Everyone is an Individual and everyone is an Other. Life, humanity, cannot be so black and white. Unless you are Voldemort.

However, his assertion that the Individual identifies him/herself through recognizing what he/she is not through the other is correct- but only to a certain extent. I do not deny this; but I do think that our related characteristics and what connects us also has a say in our individuality- which he does not address. We cannot possibly be expected to learn all there is to know on our own; we cannot live without the presence of and avoid other humans; and therefore, we cannot survive without correlating to each other. What makes us alike and different both have their own hands in our identification.

Perhaps that opens up a bit for what I am about to get into. If you see no link whatsoever, then maybe it will just provide some insight to my perspective of humanity. Or confuse you, which I will assist. Hegel was pretty good at that. Onwards. Put your thinking cap ON.

Less than two days ago, an acquaintance of mine (her name was Noelle) was hit by a car and passed away. Given the disposition of Mother Nature and her rage of ice and snow, I expected there to be a few accidents- I did not expect it to be someone I was familiar with. Though I was not very close with her (we're not even friends on Facebook!), I knew several people who were. Mourning began instantly, via the Internet (I capitalize that because, yes, I think it's become such an integral part of society that it deserves it). People openly grieved, left her personal messages on her wall.

Interesting, for I have always felt that grief and extreme emotions were something to be handled in the private aspects of life. I'm not saying that they should not openly grieve- the exertion of emotion is sometimes necessary and cannot be helped. I just see things differently. Maybe I am an ice queen or am one of the few that believes in the public/private aspects. Not the men/women thing, but there are faces one displays for everyone to see and others that only a few get to see. I, for one, am not so comfortable with open emotions- I think extreme displays of sentiments for other people should be kept between those; they are incredibly personal and the feelings I have are meant for just those people- I don't need random people knowing my business and I don't need strangers knowing what I might be upset about. (Of course, I personally also dislike the idea of being publicly vulnerable or weak, or imposing myself on others. That's not what some people are for.) I don't think this makes me disagreeable; just selective of who I trust wholeheartedly; after all, there are only a few true people one can trust throughout life.

Friends, romantic partners, and such, really they come and go quite frequently, though some are too stubborn to admit or acknowledge this. It is natural for people to grow together, shift apart, and then come back, maybe leave again. We cannot hope to hold on to everything at once- that just hinders human progress. We can only wish that our experiences change us for the better. I'm not saying it is wrong to mourn or to try and keep our connections- but if the tide is moving one way, we cannot fully avoid being swept in its currents. I've taken on the role of a pessimistic optimist; basically, I'm always the one saying, "Yeah, that sucks, but what can you do? Just go with it/Just move forward." It is impossible to control everything around us; the best we can to is to take a hold of things we know we have power over.

Most people see this as indifference. That's fine. I like the idea of building, of growing, as a person. Case in point: If I have a crappy relationship, I'm not going to sit and cry about it because it happened. I can't pull a Time Turner and pretend it didn't. I'm going to use it to my strengths: what not to look for, what to look for, what makes me happy, what I need to find in another, what I can do to build with someone when I find him. And I've always been like that, even from a young age; deeply reading my earlier years, I had some really terrible things happen to me (more than the average seven year old), none of which I've kept or taken to heart. They have changed me and I've used these changes for the better. It's not an easy process to accept the bad for the good, but maybe I'm just more hard headed and stronger than the average person.

However, the subject of Death takes on a different perspective. By all means, mourning is not objectionable; sometimes it is necessary. When something is taken so suddenly, one cannot help but feel left wandering. But I think more people harp on the loss rather than thinking, "How did this person help me grow? Why did I keep this person in my life?" In focusing on these qualities, it makes us more determined to seek out those things later, providing a personal resolve to fill those holes; as much as we lament the loss of someone, we can always find something to replace/remind him/her. It is just a manner of taking on the responsibility to find it ourselves; people must seek out their own happiness. It may seem selfish, but it helps us reflect on the good things about that person; it takes a bit of the pain away.

Then again, this is coming from someone who believes that the purpose of human connection is to provide personal growth. People change us, even if we do not know them. Someone bumps into a man, who then spills coffee on himself, changes his day. A random act of kindness can affect someone for a whole week. We must use these to our advantages.

The strong belief in this progression always prevents my personal emotion. Yeah, I'm kind of heartless sometimes; but it's in favor of building myself. Not such a loss. At the ripe age of twenty two, I would say this self belief has truly molded me as a person; I am much more aware of myself and who I am than the average young adult. I can identify myself and take a hold of responsibility with much more perseverance and assurance than many of my peers. A good thing. I like knowing who I am. It makes life a whole lot less confusing and keeps goals in check. Not many people can say that, so booyakasha.


I'm done writing and somewhat lacking in conclusion, so I'll leave you with the top two of My Bucket List (or something like that):

• New Zealand, or traveling in general. Haven't done enough of that.
• Meet /Get in touch with Peter Jackson and tell him how he saved me (You jest, but it's true).

Right-o.

Philosophy on Human Happiness

When you sit down and think about it, at the end of the day there are only three things in the world that matter: the way you feel about others, the way others feel about you, and the way you feel about you.

For really, what other than human connection and emotion is there to drive us day by day? What else is the constant force behind all actions, thoughts, and words? What gives us a purpose or motive? What makes us want to be better people, and thus create a more significant society?

The people we choose to surround ourselves with echo what we think of ourselves. If we are to be with or care for people who consistently bring our spirits down, who degrade us into nothing more than a shell, who leave us wondering what bit of good is left in them, then we are choosing not to be content. We are choosing not to be loved, simply because we think we do not deserve it. To be surrounded by people who love and support us and our own morals and beliefs is to be where we belong.

That being said, the way people think of you does matter; and we can still go through life thinking of ourselves as individuals. Caring about how we impress upon people is not shallow or conforming. To be one’s own person does not mean we need to rebel, be rude, or challenge the norm. If we think the best of ourselves, do we not wish that others judge us the same way? Would we rather like people to think of us as kind and happy, not rude? Is there a person in the world that is happy to be thought of as offensive and impolite? Is there someone who is happy to be that person no one else wants to be around? If we are to be treated with respect and pleasantness, then it is not a crime to treat others the same and we should. No one deserves respect outright: it is worked for and earned through our own measures; we must give people a reason to think we deserve it.

Lastly, we cannot burden others with the duty of our own happiness. We must look within and depend on those tools to create an atmosphere of comfort. We cannot depend on the opinions of others to create our own image. Self-confidence, self-respect, delight in one’s life can only be ensured, stabilized, and guaranteed by one person, and that is yourself. We cannot make others happy without making ourselves happy first. It is not selfish to think of yourself highly; no one else knows you well enough to do so, thus the duty is left to yourself. If you have the confidence to believe you deserve happiness, then you will grasp it for yourself; you will work towards the people and things that make you smile. It is the formation of our own mindset that gives us the power to express upon others our own confidence and contentment with ourselves. The choice of working towards that happiness is a choice of power; and the decision to take that power is to become responsible for ourselves as adults.

How do we treat others? Behavior towards one another is a self reflection of ourselves. As human beings, we cannot think or believe that someone is mistreating another of intended viciousness or contempt outright. With the exception of spite and revenge, we should not believe that actions are done for the purpose of hurting the other. There are far too many people in the world to think someone can be purely malicious; in everyone’s head, each person is correct by their own right. Things cannot be so black and white in a world so vast. Therefore, do we take action without listening, understanding, and perhaps sympathizing? To be a human is to feel and to have the ability to express those emotions; if we react without thinking, there is nothing that separates us from the creatures whose lands we have overrun. To understand the other is the strongest form of human will and emotion.

(Nothing really that exciting, just some scribbles while I'm supposed to be doing work.  Must admit, though, it sounds quite pretty.)