As a person who thinks (sometimes) too much, I like
comparing my current life to where it was a year ago, two years ago,
etc, etc, etc… I like to keep track of if I’ve grown or matured or not.
Because if I haven’t, then what’s the point? It’s been happening a lot
more because I work with students and they make me think about what I
was like (yo, I don’t remember complaining that much).
Dude. Reflection is a scary thing sometimes.
Last year, I was working part-time in an enjoyable or self-absorbed environment; depending on who was around that day or who was randomly hired. Actually, I probably got the most learning about people and human nature, which was either a beautiful or disgusting thing, depending on who I was talking to. Made a lot of good friends. Saw a lot of variety of people I don’t care to know and who aren’t beneficial to me (I need to like you to care about you- it’s a weird selfish/selfless circle of things). Went to a birthday party for someone I didn’t necessarily care for; spent a lot of time listening to people who refused to face their problems (ah, immaturity). As an educator, I was reaching through to only about five students a week (three were the same person each week). To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t doing anything particularly beneficial to myself except reading (and thus learning) a whole lot. Waking up in the morning was another step towards getting out of that place (mentally and physically) which was my sole motivation. I worked with it, or at least tried to, and now I’m in a completely different place.
I’ve been incredibly happy for the past few months to be in a job I am passionate about, to be in love with someone who enhances and accepts me more than anyone else I’ve ever known, and to have friends and family that support and complement/compliment (YES for WORDS) me. I couldn’t ask for more (except maybe a dog and solid exit plan).
I’ve come full circle (but really, I’m Aragorn), I think to when I first got to New Paltz. I’ve stated a few times that NPZ is the place where I’ve learned, grown, and matured the most and that sentiment has never changed. Did I learn and grow from when I was back on the island? Yes, but not in particularly enlightening ways that make me feel good.
To pull from Hegel (Georg William Freidrich!), you realize what you are when you see things you aren’t; and when I was there, it was a whole lot of “nope”- just the exposure of humanity was enough for me (Whattup Sandy). But that is fine and okay in its own strange way because I believe in not living with regrets, rolling with what variables are thrown at you, and adjusting.
Life is all about adjusting. There are too many things you just can’t control. (Especially people- they are all set in their own ways.) And that’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with that. Accept that Life is like a small child: it shits on you when it will (like a small child) and there’s really nothing you can do about it (because small children poop when they feel like it); working with Life (or changing its diaper) is that much easier when you realize wishing it didn’t shit isn’t going to do anything and there’s only so much you can do (aka work with change) to make it not smell. Once you learn to handle whatever is thrown at you, life becomes so much more beautiful in its small intricacies; the shit doesn’t matter. What matters is what and how you make of it. Learning to let go is one of the most selfless and powerful things you can do. Once you accept the things that happen and think of what you can do instead of what should have, could have happened, you begin making the change you always wished for. Invest in yourself; and then you can invest in what you can do to help others.
I’ve had a lot of students complain to me in the past few days, about how crappy or complicated their lives are; little do they know things will be so different in two years. They’ll forget they complained about anything and look back on this time with fondness and tickles of delight. I wish I had enough time to sit down with each one of them and say, “Slow down. You control what you can and work with what you can’t.” Sooner or later they all figure it out on their own, but I’d like to make it easier for them.
I hope it doesn’t seem like I’m forcing this on anyone. That would be detrimental.
To Do List (should be renamed “To Learn List”):
Dude. Reflection is a scary thing sometimes.
Last year, I was working part-time in an enjoyable or self-absorbed environment; depending on who was around that day or who was randomly hired. Actually, I probably got the most learning about people and human nature, which was either a beautiful or disgusting thing, depending on who I was talking to. Made a lot of good friends. Saw a lot of variety of people I don’t care to know and who aren’t beneficial to me (I need to like you to care about you- it’s a weird selfish/selfless circle of things). Went to a birthday party for someone I didn’t necessarily care for; spent a lot of time listening to people who refused to face their problems (ah, immaturity). As an educator, I was reaching through to only about five students a week (three were the same person each week). To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t doing anything particularly beneficial to myself except reading (and thus learning) a whole lot. Waking up in the morning was another step towards getting out of that place (mentally and physically) which was my sole motivation. I worked with it, or at least tried to, and now I’m in a completely different place.
I’ve been incredibly happy for the past few months to be in a job I am passionate about, to be in love with someone who enhances and accepts me more than anyone else I’ve ever known, and to have friends and family that support and complement/compliment (YES for WORDS) me. I couldn’t ask for more (except maybe a dog and solid exit plan).
I’ve come full circle (but really, I’m Aragorn), I think to when I first got to New Paltz. I’ve stated a few times that NPZ is the place where I’ve learned, grown, and matured the most and that sentiment has never changed. Did I learn and grow from when I was back on the island? Yes, but not in particularly enlightening ways that make me feel good.
To pull from Hegel (Georg William Freidrich!), you realize what you are when you see things you aren’t; and when I was there, it was a whole lot of “nope”- just the exposure of humanity was enough for me (Whattup Sandy). But that is fine and okay in its own strange way because I believe in not living with regrets, rolling with what variables are thrown at you, and adjusting.
Life is all about adjusting. There are too many things you just can’t control. (Especially people- they are all set in their own ways.) And that’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with that. Accept that Life is like a small child: it shits on you when it will (like a small child) and there’s really nothing you can do about it (because small children poop when they feel like it); working with Life (or changing its diaper) is that much easier when you realize wishing it didn’t shit isn’t going to do anything and there’s only so much you can do (aka work with change) to make it not smell. Once you learn to handle whatever is thrown at you, life becomes so much more beautiful in its small intricacies; the shit doesn’t matter. What matters is what and how you make of it. Learning to let go is one of the most selfless and powerful things you can do. Once you accept the things that happen and think of what you can do instead of what should have, could have happened, you begin making the change you always wished for. Invest in yourself; and then you can invest in what you can do to help others.
I’ve had a lot of students complain to me in the past few days, about how crappy or complicated their lives are; little do they know things will be so different in two years. They’ll forget they complained about anything and look back on this time with fondness and tickles of delight. I wish I had enough time to sit down with each one of them and say, “Slow down. You control what you can and work with what you can’t.” Sooner or later they all figure it out on their own, but I’d like to make it easier for them.
I hope it doesn’t seem like I’m forcing this on anyone. That would be detrimental.
To Do List (should be renamed “To Learn List”):
- Revisit Hegel.
- Revisit Karl.
- Finish Les Mis, damnit. I realize I haven’t picked up that book in almost a year because of Sandy. I believe it to be one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever lain eyes on and I still have 300 pages left to go.
